CCC: Well, after a long layoff, we're back this week. Our guest today is none other than Andy Garcia.

AG: Hi.

CCC: Hey there Andy. How's everything with you?

AG: Pretty good. I just nailed 9 women in the break room.

CCC: 9? Wow...wait a minute...break room? We don't have a break room.

AG: Sure you do...right downstairs.

CCC: Downstairs...? Oh no, you don't mean the rehab center in the basement do you?

AG: Rehab center?

CCC: Oh crap. You'd better get to the clinic. Who knows what the hell's forming a colony in your system.

AG: Oh no...

CCC: But, let's finish the interview first.

AG: You think we have time?

Alex shrugs. Andy looks worried.

CCC: So, Andy, you've had quite a long career, but you were really noticed after your role in The Untouchables. How did you get that part?

AG: Ugh. I don't feel so good...

CCC: Relax...you've got at least 48 hours before...uhh...nevermind

AG: Before what?

CCC: Nothing.

AG: Tell me!

CCC: Well, did you ever see Aliens?

AG: Oh God!

CCC: What? Oh no..hahaha...don't worry, no aliens are going to pop out of your stomach...

Andy looks relieved

CCC: ...well, maybe Jim J. Bullock .

AG: I don't know what's worse

CCC: No kidding. So, anyway, you and Sophia Coppolla really stunk up Godfather part III.

AG: Yeah...sorry about that.

CCC: It's ok, Just the Ticket more than made up for it in my mind.

AG: Really?

CCC: No. It was crap.

AGL Ohh...

CCC: So, I asked Eric Stoltz once, who, by the way, still won't give up the footage, but what was it like working with Christopher Walken?

AG: Oh, it was great. He's a genius.

CCC: I hear he eats a lot of hot dogs.

AG: Umm, I don't really know...

CCC: I like mine with ketchup. Call me weird, but ketchup's the way to go!

AG: Ugghh...I really think I should go.

CCC: Relax, you're fine.

AG: I don't know...

CCC: So, your biggest fans are the female population. Can you tell us what about you draws the attention?

AG: Oh God...my stomach...

Andy Garcia falls to the ground, clutching his stomach. Alex doesn't seem to notice

CCC: Right. So, I often refer to you as "Box Office Poison". No offense.

AG: None...ughhh...taken...ohhhh....

CCC: Well that's great. You're a good guy, Andy.

AG: Ohh...

CCC: So, why is it that you still get starring roles every once in a while?

AG: Oh...ohh God!!!

Suddenly a head shoots through Andy's stomach. It is the head of Jim J. Bullock. Andy takes one look at it and passes out.

CCC: So anyway, what next for you?

JJB: Helllloooo Alleexxx!!

CCC: Oh crap. Not you...please...anything but you...

JJB: Uncle JJ's here! Center square please! Hellloooo!!!

CCC: I was just...kidding...

Jim J's head suddenly grows arms, pops out of Andy's stomach and scurries out the door.

CCC: Well, I guess there you have it. Andy, anything to add?

AG: Rent...ugghhhllahh...

CCC: Right. Ugghhhllahh. Great film. Well, thanks for stopping by Andy

Alex glances over at Andy, who is now dead.

CCC: Well, there's gonna be tears in prisons all over the US tonight, aint there? Hahaha...what...we're still taping? Sh*t!


All interviews are completely untrue