Facing elimination this past sunday, the reigning NBA eastern conference champion Philadelphia 76'ers got a morale boost from, no, not last year's MVP Allen Iverson, but a veteran bench player who many thought had seen his last days on the hardwood. In what would be considered a star-studded performance by even His Airness' standards, Lotney Fratelli, a.k.a. "Sloth" of Goonies fame, threw up 37 points, grabbed 21 rebounds and dished out 9 assists, including an amazing alley-oop to all-star Iverson at the buzzer which kept the 76'ers season alive, if for only one more game. "He was incredible", teammate Aaron McKie commented. "Allen's (Iverson) shot was a bit off in the 1st half, and we really needed somebody to step up if we had any chance of winning this game, and step up he did."

"I didn't even know he was on the team," said coach Larry Brown, "but I called a timeout, and this figure runs out on the floor screaming about candy bars and Sean Astin, and literally throws Matt (Harping) back at the bench. We're out of timeouts, but this guys nails two 3's and snags a couple rebounds in less than 2 minutes of playing time, I don't care what movie he's been in, he's staying in!" If Sloth can keep this up, he'll see his current NBA contract, which consists of a Baby Ruth every quarter, at least triple this off-season when he becomes an unrestricted free agent.