One of the bloodiest wars ever waged between 2 prolific sitcom families has finally come to a long awaited end.
"FREEEEDOM!!" the cry heard from a weary, wounded but proud Ben Seaver. "Who woulda thought that Boner's jogging shorts would've delivered the final crushing blow? Not me, that's for sure."
For nearly 13 years, The Seavers have been oppressed and humiliated by the tyranny of the San Francisco Tanner clan. In 1989, The Tanners' "Full House" stormed in the homes and hearts of families all over the nation...families that up to that point had loaned their hopes and dreams to the Seavers, only to rip them away for the newest Californian suburbanites.
The Seavers, proud family that they are, tried to keep up pace with introducing a new daughter and the now illustrious Leonardo DiCapprio, but to no avail. As soon as the Tanner regime tasted blood, they invaded the Seaver garage, killing Grandma Seaver's male friend Wally. Soon, an all out onslaught was taking place where Ben had discussed puberty with his father, Jason on very special episode just 3 weeks before.
The blood bath raged on and on, and soon the Seaver household was in shambles. Sacrifices had to be made and daughter Crissy Seaver took to the streets to earn enough money for a meager supply of food for the entire family. Carol developed polio, but even on Crissy's best night, the hospital bills were overwhelming.
The Seavers fought gallantly for nearly 13 acrimonious years, but when they found out that Uncle Jesse had twin boys, all hope in the Seaver house dissipated.
Then, a savior bestowed upon them Boner's jogging shorts.
At first, a befuddled Maggie Seaver said "What the hell are we going to do with these? My daughter has %^$@#& polio!"
But then the shorts flew off, and the next thing the Seavers knew, the Tanners were calling for a truce.
"I don't know what those shorts did, and I don't care," said an alacritas Mike Seaver. "All I know is, Uncle Joey has been decapitated so I never have to hear that stupid *&@^#% woodchuck voice again."
Surprisingly, the normally volatile Danny Tanner agreed with the terms of the treaty and signed quickly and without complaint. The war was over. The Seavers were free again.
"We never thought we'd be free again, but here we are." said Jason Seaver. When informed that the bodies of the Olsen Twins were never found, Jason responds, "Look, we have today. We can't go on living in fear...but I'm getting some rabid pit bulls, just in case."
