Renegade Admiral Balki destroys Cuba, claims Meepos Capital of Universe
Balki Bartokamos, cousin of famed journalist Larry Appleton of the Chicago Sun Times, once lead a very quaint and meager life in South Chicago. Working as a mail clerk and dating a blonde moron, Balki seemed high on life. But, alas, this was not the case.
Shortly after his firing for what his superiors reffered to "magnificient incompetence", Balki moved out of the apartment he shared with his cousin and vanished off the face of the earth.
"We all just assumed he went back to Meepos, wherever the hell that is", said Appleton circa April 1993. "He came out of nowhere in '86, then dissapeared just as quickly 5 years later. I really miss him, you know. Balki, if you can hear this, I really miss you, pal...and where the f*** is the remote?"
Fast foward nearly 10 years later, and Balki has been found in the least likely of places: Commanding the United States Destroyer, U.S.S. John Paul Jones, which Balki has changed the name to "Super Dimitri", an apparant homage to his stuffed sheep of the same name.
"Oh Super Dimitri! We have crushed the poopies of Cuba! Time for crackers!" cries the Admiral. When asked if he has become a madman, Admiral Balki responds, "Well of course not, don't be ridiculous." He then went on to do the dance of joy for 20 straight minutes before firing upon Greenland.
